Is your new sweetheart a Filipina? Are you unsure of what to expect? I wrote this article to help you navigate through all the twists and turns that come with dating a woman in The Philippines.
- Be ready for vast cultural differences.
- Expect her to be deeply religious.
- Be prepared to help her financially
- Expect her to fall in love quickly.
- Expect her not to be straightforward about her feelings.
- Expect monthsaries to be a thing
- Best of all, you can expect to be loved as you’ve never been loved before.
When Dating a Filipina, Expect Cultural Differences
Many guys look for a girl or go to The Philippines, thinking it’s like going to a cheaper version of Hawaii. It’s understandable to think this way. After all, The Philippines was a colony of The United States and most Filipinos speak English and are friendly.
But nothing could be further from the truth. The Philippines is on the other side of the world from the US, and many of their customs will also feel that way. According to my survey of Filipina/Western marriages, ‘cultural differences’ were cited as the #1 issue for men married to Filipinas.
A big difference that many western men encounter is the concept of ‘tampo. ‘
This is a conversation that many guys experience when dating a Filipina long-term. Filipinas are often reluctant to directly express their grievances, so they will do what’s called ‘making tampo. ‘ That is, they will withdraw and begin acting differently.
You can tell she’s upset about something, but when you ask what’s the matter, she’ll deny there’s a problem but continue her withdrawal. You’ll be left to guess what her main issue is, and then once you get it right, she’ll discuss it. It’s a passive-aggressive punishment for slighting her.
How long it lasts depends on the individual. Sometimes tampo can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days (in most cases), or even a few weeks if she’s a real head case or you did something terrible.
Also, the Filipino concept of time can be quite different. Often when a Filipina gives a particular time for her arrival to a place, it’s a suggestion and not an exact time. It’s not a social faux pas in The Philippines to be 15 minutes late or more!
Guys also need to understand that virginity is still valued in The Philippines.
Many younger guys that are used to dating liberated western girls may be in for a shock when they don’t get sex after the 2nd or 3rd date. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is readily available in The Philippines, but if you are looking for a wholesome, take-home-to-mom type of girl, don’t expect her to put out right away.
In fact, that’s what you should be looking for. An easy girl is often a scammer or way too westernized to have the traditional values most guys who marry Filipinas are looking for. It’s not uncommon for provincial girls in The Philippines to genuinely be virgins until they are married.
Her family is going to be an essential part of her life.
Unlike some western women who constantly denigrate and vilify their parents, especially their mothers, Filipinas love both of their parents and will do anything to help them. That means if you are with her expect to spend a lot of time with her family. She may even be supporting them financially. She will love her family deeply and do anything to help them.
Expect Her to Be Religious
While there may be some exceptions in the larger cities of Manila and Cebu an overwhelming majority of Filipinas are religious. Mostly Catholic, followed by Born Again Christian (Protestant), and then Muslim.
For me, this was positive since my faith is an integral part of my life and I love that Filipinas see Jesus as their foundation. But I know not everyone feels the same way.
If, however, you’re a staunch atheist who can’t stand religious people you may want to consider looking elsewhere for a partner. God will be a very important part of her life. This is one of the biggest appeals of dating a Filipina in my opinion.
Be Prepared to Help Her Financially
Unless you’re dating a girl from the highest echelons of Philippine society, be ready to help her out at some point just as you would a western girl; whether it’s direct or indirect depends on the girl. I know many guys object to sending money, and you definitely don’t want to be scammed but think about it.
If you are dating a girl back home, you’ll also pay whether it’s going to the movies and dinner every Friday night or maybe she runs into some financial jam. If you’re a man, love costs money no matter what. The difference is it’s a lot cheaper in The Philippines than dating a woman back home. I don’t recommend sending money right away–take it slow.
One tip I like to suggest to men who are not sure if her love is true is to send a gift instead of money. You can go to Lazada.com and send her a teddy bear. It’ll cost you $10usd, and if she lives in Manila, the delivery is often free.
Then, wait to see what happens afterward. Does she seem elated to receive the bear? Does she reciprocate by remembering your birthday and/or sending a gift on the next holiday? If she does, then she’s probably a good girl.
If, however, she starts blathering on and on about her financial woes or some other implicit indications that she wants money you probably will want to move on.
Be Prepared to Pay for Dinner For Three
Don’t be dismayed if she asks to take a cousin or brother on your first date. A girl from a good family won’t want to go out with a man she doesn’t know by herself, especially if she’s in her early to mid-twenties and still living with her parents. You’ll have to earn not only her trust but also the trust of her family and friends. This means on the first few dates, you’ll be paying for dinner for three. Don’t worry, that’s actually a good sign.
Families that allow their young daughters to go out with just any guy by herself are often up to no good. Trust me. You don’t want a girl that’s dating you because she has to or needs to. You want a girl that’s dating you because she wants to. You can avoid this extra expense by dating a girl with more life experience. Having said that, trust is important and you’ll have to earn it.
Don’t Get Spooked if She Falls in Love Quickly
Filipinos are passionate, and that goes for their love lives as well. It’s not uncommon to start feeling her getting attached to you after only a couple of weeks of chatting and video calls.
Now, if she’s declaring love after the first or second conversation, she’s most likely a scammer, but if you’ve been having some good in-depth conversations after a few weeks, don’t be alarmed if she starts showing the signs she really likes you.
That is why, as a man, it’s imperative you set the boundaries in the beginning that you’re not ready to do anything serious until you meet her in person. This will prevent a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.
Happy Monthsary Baby!
On that note, celebrating monthly milestones of the relationship is normal and rational in The Philippines (yes, really). If you date a Filipina you can expect monthsaries to be a thing, especially the 6 monthsary. And yes, you will be expected to give her a small gift or at least take her out to a nice dinner on your monthsaries. The good news is they tend to diminish after the first year.
Courtship is important in The Philippines. You’ll hear words like ‘suitors’ and ‘courting’ all the time. Philippine society is quite conservative and archaic sometimes.
Related: Signs a Filipina Actually Likes You
She’ll Want Kids
If you’re planning on dating a girl in her 20s, then understand that having children is very much on her mind. This isn’t a problem for some of the younger guys, but if you’re in your 50’s, 60’s, and beyond, that’s something you really need to consider. If you are happily retired, consider dating a woman over 35.
Expect Her to Love Videoke
Videoke (karaoke on a television screen) is the favorite pastime of The Philippines. They absolutely love to sing, even if they’re not good at it. That means you can expect her to sing and have videoke parties at her (your) place. Any birthday, graduation, anniversaries, or just any get-together will involve videoke. This can work in your favor if you can sing because that is a great way to woo a Filipina into your arms.
It Will Take Time…
Sometimes guys get the wrong idea when they first encounter Filipinas for dating. That’s understandable given how many girls will throw themselves at you as soon as you start meeting them.
The truth is dating Filipinas can be a process. Why? Because you’re going to have to dig through a lot of dirt to get to any gold. Initially, almost all of the girls that approach you on those dating sites (especially the free ones) will be ‘second hand.’ What I mean is simply they will be girls that the Filipino men don’t want.
Some examples include girls with multiple children from multiple men, girls with no education, bar girls, and girls with no job or a crappy job like a security guard or a street sweeper.
Now some guys don’t mind that. My cousin is married to a mall girl from Thailand, and they’ve been together for many years now, quite happily, I might add. But if you’re looking for a higher-end girl, you’re gonna have to do some weeding to get to a good one.
You’ll Eat Well
One of the best things about dating a Filipina is that you’ll almost assuredly eat well. When my fiance and I started dating I had begun losing weight and she nearly had a heart attack over it. It was like she took me losing weight as a personal failure on her part. Cooking for you is one of the ways Filipinas show their love. They want their husbands to be satisfied with their cooking and it’s a wonderful feeling to be taken care of this way.
In fact, whether or not she’s concerned you like her cooking is one of the signs that she really loves you.
You’ll Be Loved Like Never Before
Guys that have never dated a Filipina before often ask why they should bother with all the scammers and tampo nonsense they have to deal with. When a buddy of mine was dating his girlfriend, he was working at home on the computer. Being a total nerd, he couldn’t care less about his appearance. While he was working, he told his girlfriend he was going to the store to buy something. She told him he wasn’t going anywhere.
When he asked why, she said because his shirt was wrinkled and there was no way she would let the neighbors see him like that. At first, he laughed but then saw she was serious when she stuck out her hand to give her the shirt. He gave it to her, and she ironed it. Only then did she let him go out.
That is why western men marry Filipinas. An American girl probably would’ve felt too ’empowered’ to iron her man’s clothes.
Filipinas will go out of their way to please their husbands so long as you treat them right. Many Christian brothers who date Filipinas come back to me and say they never realized how good love could be until they married a Filipina. The traditional values, the respect for age, and acceptance of who they are, sets Filipinas far apart from many western women.