When I first began dating women in The Philippines, I was a bit nervous at first. I’d heard many horror stories, but I also had friends that were very happy being married to Filipinas. While everyone is different, people of a certain culture do tend to have common characteristics, and these are some traits I’ve discovered while dating Filipinas.
On Average, the Pros and Cons of Being Married to a Filipina Are:
Pros:
- You’ll eat well
- She’ll love God
- She’ll be nurturing and caring
- She’ll help you navigate through life in The Philippines
- She’ll be flexible
Cons:
- There are serious cultural differences you’ll have to deal with
- Her family may start asking for money
- Tampo (silent treatment)
- Excessive jealousy and possessiveness
Be Honest About What You’re Looking For
One thing I want to address is some guys complain that Filipinas expect them to take care of them and that they are asked to help their families every once in a while. To them, I ask, ‘what were you expecting?’. Most guys who come to The Philippines are perfectly happy with traditional marriage. That means she’s taking care of you inside the house, keeping it clean, washing your clothes, and preparing your meals. In return, you’re bringing home the bacon and making sure her financial needs are met. Sounds like a fair deal to me.
If your goal is to find an atheist who can contribute 50% of the expenses to the relationship…then…you ain’t gonna get it in the Philippines. Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of Filipinas who are married to foreigners and still work, but chances are, even if she’s working, she’s helping to support her family and still won’t be able to throw in 50%.
If this is a deal-breaker for you, might I suggest looking for a woman in Japan, Hong Kong or Singapore?
Pro: You’ll Eat Well
Growing up in western society, I would never admit that I wanted a woman who would have a hot meal ready for me when I got home from work. I actually felt ashamed for wanting that–until I started dating Filipinas. One of the ways Filipinas show love is through cooking. Most of them don’t know how to cook western food that well initially, but they will make every effort to learn.
I totally admit that I’ve become spoiled since I married a Filipina. Seriously, if you’re dating a Filipina and you’re not eating well, something’s terribly wrong. See my article: Signs a Filipina Truly Loves You.
Pro: She’ll Love the Lord
This was huge for me. My faith has always been an integral part of my life, and as a Christian, it was essential that I settled down with a woman that had strong faith. I was elated when I discovered that was the norm here. My finance helps my faith to stay strong, and I thank God for that.
Pro: Filipinas Tend to be Nurturing and Caring
So long as you don’t meet your wife at a bar (by the way, my survey showed those guys were the least satisfied with their marriages), then chances are she’ll have good traditional values and be an excellent mother. The Filipino dedication to the family is real. Both Filipino men and women will almost always do anything for their families. It’s not unheard of to see OFWs going hungry just to send every last penny they earn back to their families in The Philippines.
Filipinas just have a natural instinct to be nurturing and caring. I remember once I was going to the store in an un-ironed shirt. My girlfriend at the time stopped me and refused to let me go until she ironed it.
Another time I went a month without a haircut. We were at McDonald’s, and she asked me, ‘why does your hair look like that?’. I said because I hadn’t gotten around to getting a haircut yet. She told me, ‘we’re not going home until you get one.’ She dragged me to a salon and gave the stylist explicit instructions on how to cut my hair. It was actually one of the best haircuts I’d ever had.
Pro: She’ll Know How to Deal with The Crap You’ll Face in The Philippines
Trust me, life in the Philippines is great, but it can also be highly frustrating. Things just don’t work the way you’re used to back home. Broken promises and substandard work are the norms here. You’ll really need someone to help you navigate the giant labyrinth that is life in The Philippines.
A good woman will make sure you don’t get cheated and connect you with the right people to get the job done. She’ll know when that smiling face of a stranger is BSing you or when that grouchy guy is sincere. Anecdotally I’ve noticed that single guys don’t last long in The Philippines–1-2 years tops.
Pro: She’ll be Flexible
One thing I love about Filipinas is how flexible they are when it comes to relationships. In general, when dealing with people, Filipinos are flexible and don’t like confrontation. This is why they are a popular choice for customer service agents and foreign workers overseas. In my survey of western men married to Filipinas 78.87% said one of the reasons they were satisfied with their marriages is because their wives accepted them as they were.
In my experience, western women had the attitude of ‘my way or the highway. Do what I say, or I’ll call you sexist and divorce you’. Seriously, only once in my life have I heard a western woman admit that she was the problem in the relationship…but I’m digressing.
I do want to make it clear this is not an invitation to emotionally abuse them. Scorned Filipinas do have ways of getting back at abusers. They’re just less direct but more painful, which leads to my first con.
Con: Cultural Differences
According to my survey, 58.37% of men cited cultural differences and dealing with her family were cited as the #1 difficulty in Filipina/Western relationships. Sometimes, as Westerners, we think that it’ll just be like dating an old-school white woman because they speak English. That is simply not the case.
There are many things that westerners just don’t understand. Number one is their unfettered allegiance to their families. A Filipina will continue to send money to her family, knowing full well they’ll use it to buy Red Horse (beer) and otherwise squander it. The rest of these cons are mainly cultural issues.
Con: Tampo
A big contrast to western women is the concept of ‘tampo.’ Tampo, otherwise known as the silent treatment, is a passive-aggressive form of punishment that a Filipina will often employ if she feels slighted. How long it lasts depends on the Pinay. It could go anywhere from a couple of hours to a couple of days or even a couple of months if you did something horrible, like cheating on her.
During tampo, expect her not to talk to you, withhold sex, not cook as well, or anything else to upset you all while insisting there’s no problem when you ask her. It can be very frustrating (it’s supposed to be), but you’ll just have to wait her out until she either lets it go or discusses that problem with you.
Con: Her Family May Start Asking for Money
They say when you marry a Filipina, you marry her family. One unpleasant surprise I’ve seen many guys have is while their girlfriend/wife never asks for money, her family is milking him dry. Let me just tell you right now, if her family is asking for too much; you need to put the brakes on that now! Trust me, if you don’t, they’ll never stop, nor will they see anything wrong with it.
Whether or not her family will hit you up for money mostly depends on the family’s wealth. Obviously, the wealthier the family, the less likely they are to ask for money.
That being said, I think it’s a bit stingy not to help her family out if you can afford to do so. If after you’ve been dating a girl for at least 6 months, when you go into their house, you see there’s more water inside their house than outside because the roof is crap, why wouldn’t you offer to fix it? I wouldn’t go into debt to help out my wife’s family, but if it’s something I can comfortably afford to do, why not?
It would be best if you made every effort to get along with her family. I’m telling you right now that if your girlfriend’s family doesn’t like you, you’re in deep trouble. Many Filipino families are traditional, which means the father must give consent before you can marry his daughter. Please do your best to get along with her family! Whether her family likes you or not could mean the difference between a long, happy marriage and her divorcing you as soon as she gets her green card.
Con: She May Be Extremely Jealous/Possessive
I remember one day my gf at the time was sick, so I went to church alone. Afterwards a bunch of us went to Jolibee for lunch. One person in the group was a girl that has a crush on me. I kept my distance and said nothing to her beyond polite conversation. When I came home, I told my gf I went to lunch with some people from church.
She asked me if Angelica was part of the group. I said yes, but I didn’t really say anything to her, nor did I sit next to her. It didn’t matter. Even though she didn’t say anything to me, she had FIRE in her eyes. Unlike most Western women, Filipinas aren’t so secure in their relationships and are extremely jealous and possessive.
Conclusion
As a religious man who was looking for a traditional marriage Filipinas fit the bill perfectly for me. Yes, there are scammers out there you’ll have to watch out for, but so long as you don’t try to buy a girl, you’ll be fine. Think positive and go in with both eyes open. Divorce isn’t an option in the Philippines, so it’s doubtful a Filipina will be quick to ask for one when things are rough.
The vast majority of my friends who are married/with a Filipina are very happy. My data from the survey helps prove that. Those who complain about getting scammed or taken to the cleaners are a vocal minority. Guys that usually get screwed are the guys that try to buy a woman or guys that think they can abuse their wives, and she’s supposed to just take it forever.
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
-Aristotle
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